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This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.