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To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.