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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.