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I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one