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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.