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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
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I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.