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They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?