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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.