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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.