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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!