Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.