Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.