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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
only fights if pillows are present.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.