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my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.