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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
Carfax but for people
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.