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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure