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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook