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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.