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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...