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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.