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Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.