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I don`t care about your status...
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.