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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?