Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!