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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.