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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.