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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.