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I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.