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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.