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The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Valentines day
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.