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If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
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If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.