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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.