Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..