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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.