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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.