Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I have nothing!
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?