Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.