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I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
My memory foam has amnesia
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."