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Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.