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BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Technically, every picture is a before picture.