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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
My pants are 75% off.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Being normal is boring.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.