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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles