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Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.