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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.