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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
Can I get likes for no reason?
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.