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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
I drink to make other people interesting.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.