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Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.