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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!