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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"