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I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.