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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.