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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”