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Screw it, Iām starting Friday now.
Iām probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
Bitch Iām not insulting you, Iām describing you.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape