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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.