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My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!