Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
I forgot to post this earlier
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.