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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.