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I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Iām Not Arguing. Iām Simply Explaining Why Iām Right.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?