Daily Silly Status

Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"

I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.

When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.

The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)

Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.

According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.

Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".

Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.

Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.

I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.

Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers

When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.